Holiday Inn: A Complaint...

[Warning: Contains Adult Themes…]

So after reminiscing about my recent trip to Kalamazoo I realised that there was still one thing that I hadn't blogged about. Nevertheless, there were valid reasons for this omission.

Two reasons actually:

(1) People might think I'm a pervert...
(2) People might think I'm a big fat liar...

However, mulling this over for at least a week now, I feel that if I let this go I'm only allowing a grave injustice to continue. What's more, is my "reputation" really that important when we're talking about equality and fairness for all?

Here's my story... After returning to the Holiday Inn last week I decided that my entire afternoon would be dedicated to slobbery. But first I had to decide on a film to watch... There were almost 70 movies to choose from in the hotel list, ranging from your Oscar nominated films [No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood etc] to a number of films starring Jessica Alba, which I think you'll agree is never a good sign.

For instance, one [Awake] has the blurb: "The story focuses on a man who suffers "anesthetic awareness" and finds himself awake and aware, but paralyzed, during heart surgery. His mother must wrestle with her own demons as a drama unfolds around them, while trying to unfold the story hidden behind her son's young wife"... Hmm …

Nevertheless, I didn't want to prejudge these offerings, so the next hour or so was spent watching each and every preview... [No Awake does not look good... neither does Alba's The Eye... in which she plays a blind woman who realises her recently transplanted eyes are making her see EVIL premonitions...] Anyway, I didn't intend this to be an Alba hate-fest and I’d like to make clear that I always loved her early work - so moving swiftly on...

After making an initial selection, I looked on the menu to see if there were any other film channels - there was only the Adult Channel... Now I want to make clear that I was not interested in perusing porn at this precise moment, (I much prefer a good book) but I was intrigued as to what Holiday Inn's selection of adult films were...

Funny enough, unlike the other films, these movies did not have previews. Anyway, I noticed after more and more searching, that there was not one Gay porn movie... not one...! Every other sexuality was catered for... Straight men obviously had the biggest choice, with almost all forms of heterosexual depravity to choose from. Lesbians not only had '100% Lesbian Sex', 'Woman on Woman Action', BUT they also had 'Real Dykes'. (Ok, I realise that these films were probably not produced with the assumption that lesbians would watch them but that's not the point...). Straight Women did I admit have very meagre pickings - with a few channels like 'Genuine Couples' or 'Married Love' ... But there was no 'Broke Guys Go Gay' or 'Horny College Jocks' or ‘The Penetrator’ (or whatever these kinds of films are called…)

Anyway, I think you'll agree that this is cause for complaint... As I've said before, and, I'd like to make this very clear - I wasn't looking for porn. But, it's certainly nice to have that option... I now feel I should write an email to Holiday Inn setting out why I think there should be, at the very least, one gay porn flick in their adult movie list. I will report back when and if I receive a reply…