Thursday 15 May 2008

Trip to America Day 3: The Kalamazoo Conference

Well I did get some sleep in my bunker last night. I woke up around 7am, but waited for the person next door to take his shower etc, before I also entered the metal casket to wash.

I decided to grab some breakfast - which is served between 7-8.30. (One Irish lady that I met later said this was just too early for "the Irish") Well, although not Irish (Although, my Mum's relatives are Catholic so kind of Irish) I have to agree. I grabbed everything I wanted for breakfast, except for some toast as I was too scared to use the industrial sized toaster, and sat down to do some people-watching before the first session.

I should make clear at this point that postgraduates and young scholars of the medieval persuasion can be broadly situated/stereotyped into two categories:

1/. The clean shaven, beige/woody coloured suited, earnest young scholar, who attempts to network with everyone. Not everyone of the first class is a twat.

2/. The other species is the slightly alternative, long haired (both men and women - although men might have a pony-tail), excessive jewellery wearing (particularly rings or bangles) eccentric/introvert who attempts to stick out/hide.

It is important to note that one's fashion statement does not necessarily suggest a preference for a particular type of methodology. A person in a suit can still have a paper with the word 'hybridity' or 'alterity' in the title, just as a Goth, for instance, could give a mind-numbing paper on charters/wills. No offence charter lovers.

At present, I have still to decide which path to choose.

Each has their advantages: The first = fewer friends, and therefore more time to work. The second = knowing deep down that you can be cool and quirky at the same time as being a medievalist.

Ultimately, of course, as a gay I circumvent these tawdry classifications...

Oh one slightly embarrassing encounter - yes at breakfast - this is me... I bumped into a professor [I will mention no names] I had met a previous conference who is eminent in my field. We talked about our respective plane flights and when I said I still had a bit of jet lag he/she said that later on in the day he/she would give me Melatonin. For some reason, I just blurted out 'Thanks - yes you can be my pusher....' Oh dear.

Anyway, after breakfast, it was time to go to the first session. I was going to say 'it was time to choose' but as a procrastinator of the finest calibre I had obviously already decided about three months ago which sessions I was attending. Indeed, the catalogue booklet had already brought me much amusement. I particularly liked the gratuitous use of acronyms. (I don't get out much...)

The best ones are those which sound kind of similar:
SSBMA [Society for the Study of the Bible in the Middle Ages]
and
SSHMA [Society for the Study of the Homosexual in the Middle Ages]

Not that I'm saying that these are mutually exclusive of course, but you would feel sorry for the Catholic lady who thought she was going to hear a paper on the Apostles and got 'Queering the Da Vinci Code' instead. P.S I'm not making that last one up...

The first session I went to cheered me up, mainly because three out of four of the speakers didn't have a handout... Those lazy ....! And one speaker's paper was basically a chronology of events. His conclusion: That if he knew Icelandic he might be able to say more...

After the first session it was already time for lunch. In Kalamazoo the papers revolve around the food - in contrast, at the medieval conference in Leeds it revolves around the booze - says a lot about our respective cultures... One of the great things about lunch in America is that even if you ask for a sandwich, that sandwich will be a huge mother of a sandwich. The girl serving me today did however look slightly perturbed when I asked for just a ham and salad sandwich:

'You don't want any cheese with that?' she asked
'No cheese at all?' she repeated astonished.

Of course a ham and salad sandwich in England would not be worth eating...

At cafeteria's on English campuses, staff would count out the two slices of ham that you're allowed, and carrot would count as salad - CARROT IS NOT A SALAD! Indeed, at UEA (University of East Anglia) recently, Chris had to open three "chicken mayonnaise" baps before he found any chicken. Cheap Bastards...

Having worked myself up to a rage I’m going to go for a drink (alcohol always helps). I still need to finish this damn handout - but it can wait…

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