Thursday 15 May 2008

Trip to America Day 6: The Paper...

[I should state beforehand that I'm writing this note after drinking 3 pints at a bar so I apologise now for anything I say that might be offensive...]

Today I had to wake up at 6am because my paper was at 8.30. Well I didn't have to - but I felt I should at least have a read through, seeing as this was the last chance to save face. I got to the room ridiculously early, and discovered I was the first person there - this was what I wanted because I had jeans and trainers on, so needed to hide behind the desk at the front of the room so people would only see the dashing jacket and shirt that I was wearing.

The second speaker came in 5 minutes later. Pat something... Anyway this Pat woman had about 5 months previously facebooked me asking me if I was looking forward to Kalamazoo. I said that I was, and that it would be the first time I'd been to America, but that I had been to Leeds before (the English equivalent). I kind of thought it was odd that she had messaged me in the first place and her messages were also not particularly warm - in one of her messages she said something like 'you're in for a huge surprise'... OK....

Anyway, I soon found out why she was a little cold. She introduced herself and said 'So I haven't seen you around much - I assume you've been at the bar'... I replied 'Um no, (I wish!) I've gone a bit handout crazy the last couple of days'... 'Oh' she replied, 'I just assumed because all the photos on facebook show you partying with girls' 'You've got a lot of girls as friends don't you' and 'You're a bit of a ladies man aren't you - all the girls seem to love you?...' How WRONG could she be (Well not about me partying or the girls loving me but you know what I mean...). Anyway, I found this quite amusing/scary and soon realised that she had already put me down as some scandalous macho guy that fooled around with women. Basically, she was the kind of feminist that gives good feminists (including myself! Oh yes!) a bad name. Her paper gave it all away (I apologise to those who have no idea what the following will mean but just agree that she's [as Maddy would say] a bint...). Basically, she said that Charlemagne was nice to monks but was really mean to nuns, forcing them to stay resident at their nunneries - but in a twist, - some nuns didn't stand up for this and actually still carried on kicking butt, writing shit and being nuns....

Anyway, after we all gave our papers I got some good questions, although they seemed fascinated with this one point about my author being a physician and checking women's urine. American medievalists seem to be fascinated by waste products... But the convener, this eminent medieval historian called Felice Lifshitz said to Pat - 'Umm I have some advice for you' - which I think you'll agree is never a good line... She then proceeded to say that basically just because you're resident somewhere doesn't mean that you're forced to stay there - e.g. Pat you're paper sucked. Oh - poor Pat... NO - you didn't meet her!

After my paper I was exhausted and decided to get some sleep. I slept soundly for the next 6 hours (even with the brown blanket)... When I woke up I went to meet a friend for dinner, this lovely Irish archeologist who I had previously met in Wales at a conference. Earlier in the week there had been a slightly awkward moment because she had said 'Let's have some crack!', to which I didn't really know how to reply... Ummm and caving into peer pressure 'Ok...'. Until I found out that crack in Irish means fun... (There was a small part of me that was slightly disappointed)...

Anyhow, my friend had invited a Scottish professor to dinner as well and we all grabbed a taxi to a French restaurant. The Scottish professor seemed nice - we were getting along fine and then he said how he used to live in Brighton. I told him that I'd heard it was a great place and that I'd love to visit sometime (I didn't say that it was because it's a huge gay Mecca and I loved Sugar Rush). He replied 'Nah I wouldn't - it's got a bit weird now...' Surprisingly, after this one slip, conversation was still good, although because I was with an Irish woman and a Scottish man I had to put up with a good 30 minutes of nationalism. 'Independent Scotland this...' Independent Cork that...' Hey I thought I'd join in and said there should be a 'Free Kurdistan to which they both agreed! I'm sorry, probably because I'm English (isn't it ironic....) I think nationalism of all forms is a little weird... The French restaurant was great - I had a steak with prawns, cornbread, asparagus and a posh tomato salsa (Yum). I decided that the Scottish guy was lovely and just misunderstood - particularly after he bought me dinner! We had drunk a good few bottles of red wine so I had no problem sleeping when I got back... A great finish to a good conference. And, even better I had the pillow menu at the Holiday Inn to look forward to the next day.

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